Cliché Nonsense

Let us pray

2010-04-09T15:41:00.002+08:00

PATER noster, qui es in cœlis;
sanctificatur nomen tuum:
Adveniat regnum tuum;
fiat voluntas tua,

sicut in cœlo, et in terra.
Panem nostrum cotidianum da nobis hodie:
Et dimitte nobis debita nostra,
sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris:
et ne nos inducas in tentationem:
sed libera nos a malo.

Avē Marīa, grātia plēna, Dominus tēcum.
Benedicta tū in mulieribus, et benedictus frūctus ventris tuī, Iēsus.
Sancta Marīa, Māter Deī, ōrā prō nōbīs peccātōribus, nunc et in hōrā mortis nostrae.

Gloria Patri, et Filio, et Spiritui Sancto,
Sicut erat in principio, et nunc, et semper, et in saecula saeculorum.

Amen.

One Day, Two Entries - Part 2

2008-11-27T02:37:00.002+08:00

You know, a few weeks ago, I’d been looking all over the internet for one thing, one very important thing. That, my friends, is the online application form for the enrolment into the BA (Education) / BSc (Education) programmes in NTU.

The MOE website indicates that applicants can call the MOE hotline for any queries they may have. I need to find the application form, so I decided to give it a try, and guess what? The automated answering machine on the other end of the line told me to look for the application form online, at the MOE website.

Something’s seriously wrong here, isn’t it?

Anyway, I called up a friend who’s going through the BA (Education) programme in NTU. Here’s what he told me:
- The enrolment programme is conducted by NTU, not NIE.
- I’d have to register at the NTU website, not MOE or NIE.
- Intake is sometime during February.
- Application is only open then.

So, now I find myself jobless, since the school holidays are here and that relief teachers are not needed in the school during this period. Now I’m left with my tuition assignments, which don’t exactly sustain my lifestyle very well. So, I’ve gotta make do with the limited amount of cash I have for the rest of the year.

I’m now looking forward to the start of 2009, when school starts again. I need the pay, I need the experience. It’s budget-living till then, I guess.

One Day, Two Entries - Part 1

2008-11-27T02:29:00.001+08:00

You know, I realised there’s something wrong with most of the people around me. They seem to have this mentality whereby it doesn’t matter if a person is capable, as long as he/she succeeds.

A person who does not succeed will always be labelled a ‘loser’. It doesn’t matter if he/she is talented or not, doesn’t matter if he/she tries hard, doesn’t matter if he/she is close to success.

Contrary, a person who succeeds will be held in high regard. It doesn’t matter if he/she took the easy way out, doesn’t matter if he/she had a lucky streak, doesn’t matter if underhand methods were involved.

I can’t stand this play-to-win mindset. It irritates me, it annoys me.

Yes, it pays plenty when you win, but no one ever considers the fact that whenever someone wins, there has to be someone who loses. This rule goes hand-in-hand with the principles of Tao by Lao Tzu.

I won’t go into detail with that, since I’m not a Taoist myself. It’s best if you read up on it yourself or something.

Employers nowadays look out for people with impressive resumes and portfolios. When they see someone with respectable achievements in their resumes or portfolios, they grab them. They’ll never hire a guy without decent experience, and even if they did, the paycheque would spell out a world of a difference in it.

I hate it when I see certain things on recruitment websites. These things include:
- Only degree-holders need apply.
- X years of work experience in related field required.

With these requirements, how on earth would you expect a fresh grad with mediocre academic achievements from a local polytechnic survive in today’s society?

Worse still, what if the fresh grad is male? He would need to go through NS. Within the 2 years in NS, he’ll most probably lose all of his skills due to lack of practice. This is even more so if his field of studies is in Information Technology.

So when he comes out to work, he would’ve no relevant experience, no impressive qualifications, no colourful achievements, nothing; except maybe his ‘O’ Levels.

And yes, I’m one of those people. It pains me to know that I’m not qualified enough in the eyes of employers.

This is just damn sad. But whatever it is, I find that the journey is more than just the destination.

What’s important is that lessons are being learnt, regardless of results. That’s why I’m into the education line now.

Sign or no sign.

2008-09-25T03:20:00.000+08:00

To come and think of it, it’s been 3 months since my ORD. I was beginning to miss army life until yesterday, when I received an SMS from MinDef. Looks like SAF still lingers like a smell around me.

Well, that means I’d better stabilise my career quickly, otherwise I won’t get paid when I go for reservist. Now, that brings me to think about my current way of life and my future plans.

I’d been a relief teacher for 2 months now, and believe it or not, I’m seriously considering a career in teaching art. But there are problems to this ambition I’m having now.

First things first, I would require an art diploma, which I’m currently lacking. I do not have any form of portfolio to begin with, let alone a strong portfolio.

Secondly, I wanna get into the Bachelor of Arts (Education) course, which would be better for me as an individual, and I’m not sure if the ministry would put me into such a course.

Thirdly, I’m not sure whether I should be teaching primary school or secondary school. I’ve heard different opinions from various people, ranging from current teaching staff to aspiring teachers-to-be. I find that I need to try out teaching in secondary school, ‘cause all this while I’ve been doing relief teaching in my alma mater’s primary school. I need to know what it’s like to be standing in front of a classroom full of teenagers as compared to a group of kids.

Also, my alma mater is an all-boys catholic school. I need to know what it’s like to teach in a co-ed school, where boys and girls go to school together. I really need to know the difference in the ways of handling boys and girls, naughty and nice.

That leaves me with a heap of problems at hand, due to my inexperience. I can only give answers to those questions simply by guessing, which is really not quite substantial. I need more solid answers to these questions, but problem is how to?

Maybe it’s time for me to get crackin’. Procrastination is not an option now. It’s time to find things out myself.

Kids will be kids.

2008-08-15T16:34:00.001+08:00

Having done relief teaching for almost 3 weeks, I’ve felt what it was like being the person standing in front of the class giving lessons. This is something new to me, so it’s gonna take a while to get used to it, especially when the class is rowdy.

Teaching in a primary school brings nostalgia, especially when you used to be a student of that particular primary school. It’s not the building that brings back memories, but the familiar faces of the teachers whom you used to fear or respect. Now, all the fear is gone, they no longer punish you, no longer scold you, no longer give you homework to do. All that is left is mutual respect as individuals. A sign that they’ve truly done their job well… You’ve grown up.

There are of course other things that you’d probably miss hearing or seeing. Things like, “Teacher, he make me!!” or “No, I never!!”

These things, I hear every single day as a relief teacher. And being a relief teacher, the students will take advantage of you. The share of nonsense they bring you is more generous compared to the regular teachers, the class sonic volume increased and the students will move around like balls on a pool table after the breaking shot.

It is through this that I realised how a teacher felt in a rowdy class. You’ll try all sorts of ways to restore order, but your efforts will be in vain. And then frustration kicks in, and then it builds up and becomes fury. Then all of a sudden, you find yourself screaming at the kids, thus restoring order.

It won’t be long till chaos builds up again. And then it becomes a vicious cycle. Well, this is the life of a relief teacher. You don’t know them, they don’t know you.

But amidst the mischief, these kids are quite interesting when you’re assessing their work. You see all sorts of funny things in their work.

For example, there’s a comprehension passage about a detective trying to find clues in a burnt house. The detective stumbles upon cigarette butts which he finds suspicious because nobody smokes in the house. After reading the passage, a question asks, what did the detective find in the house that’s suspicious?

A student writes, “The cigarette butt is robot.”

I’d like to know what’s on his mind when he was answering this question. It’ll be interesting to know.

Overall, I think the schools in the entire country have changed a lot since we’d left. There is no longer any more caning, or corporal punishment of any form. Verbal punishment is not allowed either. Heaven, compared to the things we went through as kids, don’t you think?

It came from up above.

2008-07-10T10:05:00.000+08:00

You know, I’ve been doing some thinking recently regarding what I’m going to do for the rest of my life. NS has burnt away two years of my life, made me suffer quite a bit and then made me see things I’ve never before seen and do things I’ve never before done.

It has changed my thinking quite a bit, from an ignorant, naïve, and self-centered asshole to something else. I don’t know what that is, it’s up to people to decide now.

Anyway, I used to hear from people things like “ORD is not the end, it’s only the beginning.” “You’ll be stressed out after you ORD.” “You’ll feel that you’ve lost direction in life after you ORD.”

Apparently, they’re right. I’ve lost my direction in life recently. All along, I’ve always wanted to do web design. But now, after two years of not doing anything related to that, I’m sad to say that I’ve lost all of my skills in this field. Guess Uncle Ben (no, not Obi Wan, someone else) was right about it.

He told me that, if I were to get a diploma in IT, I need to constantly update myself in order to stay in the field. If not, after NS, everything would’ve evolved and I would be left behind, which is what’s happening now.

So, that got me thinking. I gotta find a new direction in life. My funds are running dangerously low, my skills are not gonna get me anywhere and I’ve lost my sense of purpose.

Then, suddenly, an answer came to me from up above. You know, I’ve never actually believed in anything religious, but then again, things like this happen. An answer came to me. The man upstairs told me to become a teacher, to nurture the future of mankind.

Funny? I think so too. But nevertheless, I will try, will of God or not.

Hope this works for me. And thanks, whatever that is which gave me that answer I needed.

Money.

2008-06-17T23:48:00.003+08:00

Are you the kind of person who’s willing to spend money on things that you like? Well, I am. And I hope you are.

I believe in money well spent on things that should be spent on. For example, clothes. Though it’s not really good to splurge and indulge in branded goods, I think it’s necessary to buy good quality clothes that’ll last, comfortable clothes that you’ll like to wear, and also clothes that suit your taste in design. I don’t think it’s wise to save money by buying cheap, low-quality clothes that wear out quickly, uncomfortable clothes that doesn’t allow your sweat to evaporate or makes you sweat excessively, or stupidly designed clothes with imitation logos.

Well, that’s for clothes. But that’s not the main topic for this blog entry. My point is, sometimes, it’s necessary for you to spend money on hobbies. I’m not a fan of those people who ‘enjoy’ saving money, even on things that they really like.

Look, I’m not really well-off. In fact, I really do have financial problems. But nothing stops me from buying comics. Lots of people are advising me against it, but yet I keep on buying every once in a while. Why? Because I believe that it is money well spent.

Most people believe that money makes the world go round. True. But they forget that money is just a means to get things. It’s the things that you want, not the money.

For example, if you’re hungry, you buy food. You spend the money on a sandwich. From the point of view of a ledger book, you ate the money. But in reality, you’re using the money to buy the sandwich, which is what you really want. Understand?

It’s not money that we want. It’s the things that we buy with the money that we want. That’s what makes it important for us to have money.

That’s what makes it important for me to have money too. Looks like I need a job. My savings are running out. So, please donate money to the SAVE-THE-K-MAN funds. Your contributions to go out to the well-being of K-man.

By the way, I’m still in need of clients for my freelancing. So, please do me a favour by keeping a lookout for people who need to engage web designers.

Again, contact me via email, clive.kai@gmail.com.

Don't know, don't anyhow say.

2008-06-15T00:55:00.000+08:00

Ever felt as though your world is filled with people who always disagree with you? Well, I do. It’s starting to get on my nerves recently.

I get people who criticise the things that I do, the things that I say and even the things that I like. On top of that, most of these people have got no idea of what goes on in the things which they criticise me for. They don’t understand the things in which I do, don’t appreciate the things in which I like.

I’ll quote an example.

I like to read Marvel comics. Something shallow-minded-manga-lovers despise. True, I do not appreciate manga generally. But I don’t make fun of manga and its readers. But there are some people who do. That, I personally cannot stand.

They say that Marvel comics are a waste of money and time. They would never spend a single second reading something like that, much less a single penny. They think it’s unrealistic, mindless and the artwork suck. They also said something about it being ridiculously expensive.

I personally, disagree.

Let’s compare Marvel comics, or even US comics, generally, with manga.

First of all, manga-lovers say that US comics are unrealistic.

I would say that manga-lovers say that because they think the superheroes’ powers and costumes are unrealistic. Personally, I think the world these superheroes are being put in is very similar to our own. These superheroes have their own problems, both costumed and non-costumed. These problems that they have add to the realism of US comics. In addition, heroes actually die in US comics. Compare that to Japanese manga. The protagonist somehow always wins over the antagonist, no matter how powerful the antagonist is. Even though sometimes the protagonist has problems in his/her life, it will never be political, nor will it ever impact the society he/she lives in. To make things worse, the world in which manga depicts is usually a perfect world, with everyone working towards the same goal and a minority working against it. That usually is how the protagonist and antagonist would come about.

Secondly, manga-lovers say that US comics are mindless.

I think what they’re trying to say is US comics have no objective in their stories. I fully disagree. The protagonists in general US comics usually have their own backgrounds and enemies in their past. These enemies in turn come back and threaten them with their families, their friends, their livelihoods. This gives the protagonists the reason to fight back and restore peace. The protagonist mostly gets pushed to desperation. He/she usually gets out of harsh situations by outsmarting his/her adversary, calling for help, or very seldom, a miracle. Sometimes, the protagonist would not even save the day at all. Things would change in the story as the antagonist wins. Also, everything the protagonist and antagonist do affects the story’s society and its media. Compare that to Japanese manga. The protagonist always gets pushed to desperation, and then most likely by some miracle, he/she would save the day. Nothing political is ever brought into the picture.

Thirdly, manga-lovers say that the artwork in US comics is ugly.

I don’t think so. By the word ‘ugly’, I think they mean that the artwork doesn’t appeal to them, which I think is quite reasonable. But in my perspective, I think the artwork in US comics is excellent, considering the effort in which the comic artists put in and the method in which they use. Most of the panels in US comics are actual paintings shrunk down to fit the pages, much like Hong Kong comics. This makes the artwork seem really detailed and realistic. Compare that to Japanese manga, which essentially is just sketching. Not to say that it’s not good, just that the amount of effort manga artists put in compared to US comic artists is just seems a world of a difference.

Fourthly, manga-lovers say that US comics are not worth the money.

Well, US comics are in fact, potential collectors’ items. Also, note the price. The standard price for US comics in Singapore is SGD 5.50 per issue. Compare that to the SGD 4.50 which manga fans pay per issue and I think I’ve got it more worthwhile buying US comics.

But, most of all, it boils down to one thing. It’s personal preference. It’s not in my power to change other’s preference.

I just want people to respect my preferences, try to see things in my perspective, and respect my views on things. Is that a lot to ask for?

Like I’d say to these people, “Don’t know, don’t anyhow say.”

Passport to freedom.

2008-06-09T02:29:00.001+08:00

2 days after collecting my pink IC, I still haven't registered the fact that I ORDed. I'm still asking myself questions like, "Am I supposed to book in today?", "Are we going outfield next week?", "When's my next medical duty?", "Do I need to cut my hair?", "How many days left till ORD?", "Do we get to book out early on friday?", etc..

I need to realign myself to the civilian life laid out in front of me. I need to adjust my temper and my habits. I need to stop asking myself those questions. Most of all, I need to plan ahead. I need to ask myself, "What the F*** to do next?"

Right. What to do. I'm lost here.

Anyway, I'm currently refreshing my web designing skills, namely HTML and Photoshop. It's a long journey for me, who just spent 2 years doing something else. It's also high time for me to start learning new things, things like FlashMX and PHP. In time to come, I'll start to learn 3Dmax, DirectX and also refresh myself on OpenGL.

Sounds like a lot, eh?

Not if I have a stable income doing freelance web design.

So, help me out. If you find anyone who needs a website done, call me up. Or you can Email me at clive.kai@gmail.com.

11

2008-05-26T04:04:00.001+08:00

Nice number. It's a prime number, which means to say it can't be divided by any other number except itself. Nice feel to it too, with both of the digits exactly the same, it's almost symmetrical, almost seeing double. It's nice also, in a way, considering the fact that it's not a very big number, thus reducing its complexity. Sounds good too, the way we pronounce it. Eleven. See what I mean?

Most of all, it's the number of days I have left to ORD.

"You have 11 days left to ORD."

Sounds good? I love it. Don't you?

18

2008-05-19T01:32:00.000+08:00

Another 18 days. Another 3 more days out in the field. Another 3 more nights out in the field. Another journey. Another adventure. The last 3 more days out in the field. The last 3 more nights out in the field. The last one.

I like the sound of that.

The last one.

Sounds optimistic.

Happy.

I'm feeling it.

18.

Reflections of a deranged man.

2008-05-12T21:31:00.001+08:00

It's always about making some old fart happy. It's always about pleasing people. It's always about the convenience of the higher authorities. It's never about us. It's never about how we feel. It's never about us. No. Never.

I'm sick and tired of this shit. No more. I don't need it. I don't want it. I don't deserve it. I want to be free. 6th of June. I'll finally be free. But no, not now. It's not the 6th of June. Today is the 12th of May. How many days more? 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25.

25.

Why?

25.

I'm sick of waiting.

25.

Stop this.

25.

I'm gonna scream.

Reflections of an angry man.

2008-05-12T01:35:00.000+08:00

I want out of this pathetic predicament. I want my freedom back. I want my life back. I want everything that was taken away from me on 9th June'2006. I want to break free from this organisation.

Nooo......!!!!

I want out. NOW. Do I have to physicaly assault anyone for that to happen? Because I really feel like it right now.

Do you smell the smells I'm smelling?

2008-04-26T03:23:00.001+08:00

Smelly or not smelly, I can definitely smell something. Be it the smelly tofu I ate in Taiwan, or the smell of my boots after many days of outfield. I smell the unique scent of Singapore, after staying for like 15 days in Taiwan. I smell also the unique scent of my bed. I miss my bed. Haven't seen you for some time.

Most of all, I'm smelling the fresh air around me. It feels cleaner than 2 years ago. It smells fresher, and it's got some sorta sweetness in it. It's like there something in the air that's making it smell so good.

Yes, my friend. It's the smell of freedom. The smell of a fresh new beginning. The smell of a bright future. Most of all, it's the magical smell of ORD.

Smell it. Sense it. Feel it. See it. Touch it. Savor it.

ORD. So near yet so far. 5 weeks to go. I'm feeling it. It's coming. I know it. I sense it. I can see the light coming from it. It's telling me something. It's telling me to let go of my NS life. Telling me to relax. Telling me to plan ahead. Telling me to get ready for its coming.

My friends, feel it. Savor this feeling. 5 more weeks to go. 5 more weeks till freedom.

YES!! IT'S FINALLY COMING! I'M FINALLY GONNA LEAVE! I'M FINALLY GONNA THROW AWAY THE HEAVY WEIGHT. I'M GONNA BE FREE!!!

Hello, my old friend.

2008-04-07T02:47:00.002+08:00

You know, it's been a long time since I posted anything in this blog. Now that I'm indeed posting something, it feels sorta weird. I feel a certain sense of nostalgia in blogging, mostly due to the long break that I took.

I'm here tonight to bring life back into this blog. It's been dead and now it's getting the hell outta the mausoleum, not into the grave, but back to life.

Trash aside, I just came back from Thailand. What have I been doing there? Use your imagination. I can't really share with you the reason why I was there.

Anyway, Thailand is a cool place, despite the fact that the weather there is disgustingly hot and humid and the place is so friggin' polluted with fumes of the leaded diesel that keep cars going. It's so fuggin' hot and humid and polluted that ten minutes after taking a bath, I feel the need for another one.

Weather aside, the Thais are nice people. Although language was a big barrier, I realised that they did really try to the best of their efforts to understand whatever we are trying to get across to them. We communicated using simple English words and gestures.

Thailand is a country where the people are patriotic, religious, devoted.

It is also a country that's more backward than ours. It's like Singapore in her earlier days, where everybody, even grannies and small kids, navigate easily and effortlessly on mountainous terrain, slopes and muddy ground. It's a place where people have tremendous faith in their religions, where people work for the well-being of their families, where people are patriotic, where people find joy in life's simple pleasures, where life is simple.

I wish our lives in Singapore would be as simple as that in Thailand. Instead of having to deal with work stress, office politics, financial problems, etc... Why not live a life that's simple? Free from all these problems in life, free from all the stress and the politics, free from all the fake smiles everywhere.

The trip to Thailand really made me realise these things. It made me want to cherish what I already have, to not ask for more than what I need, to take things easy, to cherish all the life's simple pleasures. Things like hobbies, music, anything.

I'll be flying off to Taiwan very very soon. Hopefully, it'll be as fruitful as the two previous trips last year; but sadly speaking, I doubt so. Why? Because now I can't wait to get out of the army. I can't wait for my service to end. I can't wait to get a job. Any job that can earn me more than what I'm earning currently. Any job WILL earn me more than what I'm earning currently.

Yeap, I'll be flying to Taiwan. I miss the smelly tofu. Haha. I'm gonna eat that no one's gonna stop me. I'll be getting people to join me when I do that. Muahahaha. And yes, gonna see those lovely Taiwanese ladies too.

Anyway, a lot of things happened to me during the time when I haven't been blogging. Wanted to put an entry when my grandfather passed away, but wasn't really in the mood and also because the BSOD was lingering around in my computer at that point of time. It was really sad to see him go, but I guess it was his time. Mine would come too, but hopefully it won't be soon.

I picked up reading again. There's a lot of catching up to do; I haven't been reading any books for years now. Last time I read a novel was during secondary school.

I hate to say this, but I'll be ending this blog entry here. In time to come, I'll try to revamp this blog again. It's getting boring. Really boring. Like dead kind of boring. As I've said earlier, I wanna bring life back to this blog.

I'll be posting soon as I come back from Taiwan.

Welcome to R.O.C. - Relak One Corner

Bloken Engrish, though not as bloken as before.

2007-05-14T00:38:00.000+08:00

I know this sounds weird, but I'm back from Taiwan - again.

This is due to the fact that I had to go Taiwan for a second time. Makes sense, doesn't it? Of course it does. So don't start doubting my command of English.

Previously, I received feedback from some guy named Jin Keat that my command of the language is deteriorating tremendously. Well, I'm writing this entry partially to prove that that is definitely not the case. I still have my command of English, just that I'm forced to use "Bloken Engrish" under everyday circumstances.

Anyway, I have to say that the recent trip to Taiwan was no more fruitful than the last one.
I didn't get to savour the exquisite taste of the legendary smelly tofu this time round, neither did I get to enjoy the marvelous flavour of the pigs' blood soup.

I ran out of money even before I started the recreation, which is rather serious because of the unfavourable amount of money I have left in my bank account. Luckily, I managed to borrow some money from a friend, which basically saved my life. But then again, one has to return what one has borrowed; so that would make me a poor man this month.

And also, the trip was shortened... WTF.

Basically, it's all those things that I mentioned that made my trip less fruitful. But all is not lost. There ARE redeeming factors during this trip.

First of all, it was the slight increase in the amount of cute babes (sorry dear.) in slightly skimpier (sorry again!) outfits, in all sorts of shapes and sizes, with some chunkier (hehe..) than others.

And then there was the fact that I didn't waste much time this time round. This is mainly due to the short amount of time we were given in Taipei, and also because we had planned where we wanted to go beforehand, unlike the previous trip.

And that's basically it for the Taiwan trip. The rest is classified military bullshit which I can't disclose and you won't be interested to know.

Surprise, surprise. Don't you just love surprises? I do.... Sometimes, actually. Just that this surprise happened to be something long awaited. It is the coming of GGAC : Guilty Gays Are Cumming.

Kidding. It's Guilty Gear Accent Core. I've been waiting for it since, uh, I forgot when. Anyway, it'd been a long wait, and now it's out in the arcade. I'm excited about it, though I know there'll be the usual gang hogging the machine.

For those of you who don't know what game that is, go google it or something. I'm not too keen on elaborating it on my blog.

Oh yes, before I forget. I understand that there is a hullabaloo about the incident in Taiwan involving NSFs and a plane. I've got friends and relatives worried about me all of a sudden. I'm just here to say "I'm back already, so thanks for the concern."

Yeah, thanks for the concern. Truly appreciate it. Good to be back, by the way.

Funny subtitles and smelly tofu.

2007-04-03T17:44:00.000+08:00

Just came back from Taiwan yesterday, from a 4-hour flight. Must say that I kinda liked being in Taipei.

For those of you who think I was there on tour, I would have to correct you by telling you that I had been sent there for official business. Business involving shooting people down and getting shot down. You know what I mean.

The terrain in Taiwan is somewhat mountainous and in some places, spiky. I won't elaborate more, as the rest is obligatorily confidential. That's the way it is in the SAF.

After the official business was done, it was time for recreation. The entire unit went over to Taipei. We went there by coach, and on the way, there were movie screenings. Movies like "Deja Vu", "Babel" and "The Incredibles" were screened with funny English subtitles.

Subtitles which were totally absurd, for example "What fug you do?", "What's your name, Plum?", "You confirm not sure are you doing?" and "I ask you eat my hamburger."

All that shit came from the movie "Deja Vu", with Denzel Washington. The subtitles made as much sense as "йцукенгшщзфывапролдячсмить?".

Anyway, after reaching Taipei, we went straight to hotel. After which, was the official recreation time. We went to Ximending and Shihlin.

Ximending was nice. It kinda reminded me of Parco Bugis Junction with it's streets and people. Seen lots of hot chicks, all dressed up in pretty clothes. They were all over the place. Felt really out of place there, with us being foreigners. Finally understood what it was like being a tourist. Feels damn lost.

After the trip to Ximending, we went to Shihlin night market. It looks and feels like Bugis Street with its trademark roadside stalls and HUGE crowd.

Let us now view a list of what I had done in Taiwan:
-> Go to Hengchun.
-> Eat fried smelly tofu.
-> Go to Kenting.
-> Eat at a nice restaurant.
-> Go to Taipei.
-> Take a train.
-> Visit Ximending.
-> Walk around in Shihlin night market.
-> Buy funny things.
-> Eat oyster mee sua.
-> Drink pig's blood soup.
-> Eat smelly tofu in soup with duck's blood.
-> Almost got ran over by a truck.
-> Ask for directions.
-> Feel like a fuggin' tourist.

And that's basically it. I realise after writing this entry that the standard of my English has dropped tremendously. And I think I know why. Life in the army has caused me to speak "Bloken Engrish" and it took a toll on my command of the language.

Looks like it's time to start blogging more.

The things I don't get, be it good or bad.

2006-12-29T01:21:00.000+08:00

I'm enjoying the time now, as I'm on the block leave period. As most people can see, I'm trying to enjoy it the most that I can, and the most that the current situation can allow me to.

These few days, I've been thinking. You know, thinking about things. Random things. ANd it came to me that there are some things I don't understand. Some things I just don't get. I'd probably never understand. Or even when I do, it'll take a long time. Or... Argh! You get what I mean.

I know this guy from my unit, who's sorta slow in his movements, irritating at times, causes everyone trouble sometimes. But with exception to all these cons, he make a very good soldier. He's helpful, he's willing to put his life in danger just to save anyone's ass. Most of all, his determination is really really admirable. Even though most people look down on him, say things about him; even though I sometiems get irritated by his long speeches and endless explanations of either things I've already understood or things that are total crap to me, deep down inside, I'm saluting him.

The thing that confuses me is this: Where the hell did his determination come from?

Which reminds me of another person who's completely opposite.

I know this guy from my poly days. He's a dropout. Nevertheless, I still hung out with him. He went into army earlier than I did (naturally) and did office work because he has some skin condition. Fair enough.

But what I don't get is, why on earth is he still unhappy about his NS life? It's clearly one of the better lives within the army. What? 8-5 stay-out job, air-conditioned environment to make sure you would never have the opportunity to break a sweat, work that's really chicken feet as compared to what I had to do back in the poly days. I shall not go into how togh my poly life was, I've ranted enough about that already. Everyones knows.

Anyway, he's left with just a few months to go, and he'll be outta there. I don't see the need for him to get any more MCs than he already had. MC due to what? Due to depression. Frankly speaking, some people are just too pampered by the environment they're born into and never get to experience the life outside of their 'habitat'. They've gotten everything they've needed, they've had an enjoyable childhood, doting parents and relatives, everything they needed. So, what the heck is he depressed about?

What I also don't understand is: Why is it that he loves to argue? Probably his environment. Being born in a world where everything will eventually be yours if you argue your way through. In the world I was born into, arguing has never gotten me anything except more rules, more curfews. That's probably why I dislike arguments, I'm always too lazy to argue my way through to stubborn people, I always let them have their way. Because I strongly believe that something will happen someday which will change their stubborn behaviour. I thought I had given him enough chances to realise things. I thought wrong. Throughout all things that happened, he still thinks people are judging him, prejudiced against him for who he is.

Clearly, that is not the case. It's his personality that lands him in hot soup everytime. That's the thing about stubborn people. They keep thinking they're right, never wrong; you try to tell them, they argue with you, making you one of the 'biased people'.

And I bet all the things I've said so far are true, though 'some people' will seriously disagree because they're too self-righteous and possessed 'oh-i-am-so-smart-and-you-can-never-be-as-smart-as-me' attitude.

And yes, all those things I've said so far are directed at someone, and this entry is put up here so everyone can see it. I thought the days of getting messages to people through my blog were over, but here they are again.

P.S. Thanks for reading. I knew this'll catch your attention.

Ich hast Mein vocation

2006-10-08T13:33:00.000+08:00

Hmm... Been some time since I updated this. Anyway, I completed my BMT, and now I got posted to ATEC as rifleman. Was very disappointed, didn't get into Provost Unit. Instead, someone else got it. Damn, man. Life's so unfair.

Anyway, I was expecting to get posted to SISPEC or Provost. But ended up getting posted to ATEC. It's really really disappointing. But then again, I might as well make the most out of it. Lots of people say that this vocation suits my personality. I don't know why, but some people see me as some sorta terrorist or something.

So, I've decided to do my best in this new unit that I'm posted to, since I'll be stuck here for the rest of my NS life.

Alright, enough of NS.

Life has been rough on me the past 3 months, been through BMT and such. But come to think about it, it was fun. It changed my perspective of NS completely. It changed me too. For better or worse, I can't say; but I feel the change in me.

Anyway, time to enjoy life before my book-in later. More to come soon!

Wish me luck!

Time flies, man.

2006-06-09T06:42:00.000+08:00

I'm sitting here in front of my PC, barely 2 hours away from my enlistment. Time really feels like it's deliberately whizzing by. It feels almost like five minutes ago when I saw the date as 7/6/2006.

Now's the time to think about the civilian life that I've taken for granted. Now's the time to accept the new way of living that's coming my way. I feel excited about it. But at the same time, I feels nervous about it. I'm excited because it's new, but then again I'm nervous, also because it's new. I'm nervous about putting my loved ones aside to sorta 'embrace' this new way of living.

But then again, it's time for me to accept the fact that in a few hours' time, I'll be queuing up to get my head shaved. There's no running away now.

Now's the time to recall and reflect upon my life as a civilian. It was fun.

Thanks everyone for making my last days as a civilian so much fun.

I'll be gone.

For now.

Bye everyone!

Even though I'll be back XDDD~

I must be freakin' bored.

2006-05-25T12:23:00.000+08:00

Indeed, I truly am.

So bored that I'm going slightly mad. Well, actually, I've been mad all along. Then again, I'm going mad.

Ok. I'm not making sense. Fug that.

Anyway, I've been cheering up, since FYPJ's ending soon. I have a few days off for myself after FYPJ, which I can do absolutely anything (except for leaving the country, which I'm sorta contemplating right now, lol) I want~!!!!

I've suddenly had the strong urge to continue my Taekwondo lessons, ever since I received some new inspiration to do that. This reminds me of the time when I first started learning the art of it. I've lost quite a bit of interest in it after a while, but I've regained the drive to practice it. Then again, it's too late for now since I have NS to take care of.

But then I heard that MS offers Taekwondo as a form of CCA or something. Maybe I could join? Hmm.... I have to seriously consider this.

Or should I take up Hapkido? Or maybe Judo or Aikido? Karate? Should I take up some sports other than martial arts? Maybe kayaking? Dragonboat? Maybe even tennis? Bowling? Billards (I wanna get better at that)? Or maybe I'd be better off just carrying on Teakwondo?

Who knows? I have to see to that when NS comes. Right now, I just wanna sit back and relax for the rest of my days as civilian. I should be going out more, now that I have my hair. I wanna feel the wind in my hair before it gets ripped outta my scalp.

Lotsa people are going NS same time as me. The rest of 'em are either in there already, or going in 1 batch after mine. Haha. I could laugh at those people whose BMT starts after mine ends.

Ironically, I'm looking forward to NS life after BMT. I'm not looking forward to BMT at all. I've been thinking of it as something I've already experience, since I used to be in a uniformed group back in the old days when I was still in secondary school.

Back then, we were doing training, without knowing what we're doing it for and why. But, like a close friend of mine said, for NS, we know the reason behind it, thus adding more meaning to our training.

And not to forget, there's pay involved. Whooh! Not a lot, but at least there's still some pay involved. So it's not too bad, I guess.

Haha.. For now, I'd most likely be praying that I get some good grades for my FYPJ, judging from the fact that I'm doing it the second time. And I wanna get the hell outta here. My days in NYP are numbered, and I'm happy about it; though I might miss some people and things, I wanna move on. Besides, I could always pay visits!

Anyway, I really should be back doing my work. So I guess I'll blog another day.

Wish me luck~!

How days are ruined.

2006-05-23T11:03:00.000+08:00

I was taking a bus yesterday evening and something really infuriating happened. I was on the bus, which was service 159. It travelled from Toa Payoh to Sengkang, and passed by places like Ang Mo Kio, NYP, Hougang, blah blah - I think you get it. It was a bus I took almost daily on my way to school.

Anyway, I was waiting for the bus yesterday, and suddenly came to realise that I ran outta money on my EZ link. Damn! The LTA sure knows how to extort the people. But anyway, I fished out some coins (in fact, all my coins!) and dropped them into the little devil's mouth beside the driver as I went up, bypassing the two demons that stood by the doors which we usually use for scanning our EZ links.

The machine coughed out a stingy portion of paper which we call the ticket. I grabbed it and then went on to look for a seat which, for some miraculous reason, I found. Sat down, and no sooner than 3 stops later, a bus conductor came on the bus.

The bus conductor was an elderly woman, whom I thought looked like she needed an excuse to stay on her job. She's just some common 'auntie' we usually see, except that she donned the white uniform of a bus conductor.

She came up to me, took my ticket, 'inspected' it and gave it back to me. Well, that was normal. But what happened after that wasn't.

From what I remember, usually after checking, the bus conductor would talk to the bus driver for about one more bus stop, and then alight to check on the next stop. But for her case, she lingered on the bus and eventually, my ticket expired (though I fished out all my coins, I still didn't have enough money to pay for my whole journey).

She walked over to me and told me to top up my fare, with a grim, crumpled and crooked toad-like face accompanied by a bitchy expression. I looked at her and told her I was getting off the next stop (yeah, I know, I lied. But who cares?). She shook her head and told me to pay AGAIN. I told her again that I was getting off. She then raised her voice on me, telling me yet again to top up my fare.

I could feel my patience running dry. In order to prevent myself from losing my cool in the bus, I stood up and pressed the bell. And then gave her an cold stare. I alighted. And saw her standing in the bus, looking triumphant. Almost as if causing me major inconvenience has made her day. Before the bus left, I pointed a "_|_" at her and walked off, looking for means and ways to get to my destination and cursing my luck.

Damn! That was some really bad luck. Ran outta money on my EZ link, ran outta coins, and got chased outta the bus. Fug LTA.

THEY ARE OUT THERE TO SUCK OUT EVERY PENNY FROM OUR POCKETS!

True, isn't it?

They claim to make our lives better by building MRTs and such, but then take away the bus services that are the main means of transport for people living in my area. By doing so, we're actually forced to walk all the way to the MRT station, which feels like miles away from the bus interchange due to a sealed entrance which links me to the MRT station.

And they still wanna charge us extra money when we use their transport. My EZ link now runs outta money faster than a kid could finish up his pack of fries at the golden arches. It's that bad. And because of that, my financial issue is back. I could save up all week, scrimpting every penny like a stingy old geezer, and then at the end of the week I would have to top up my EZ link, which leaves me walking around town aimlessly and half as rich as the start of the weekends.

Is the standard of living that high in Singapore? Well, I guess it IS high. But then aren't we sorta 'overpaying' for most of the things that come to us? With prices soaring higher than a hot air balloon, quality of products becoming more garbage-like by the days, I seriously doubt that the money we spend on things are worth it.

You might think this is some ranting by some loser. But look, not everyone's Bill Gates. There are the rich and the poor. And I happen to be part of the poor. They shape and mould the world into some 'utopia' for the rich; but then they neglect the poorer people who can't afford to stay in the 'utopia' and then kick them out after they run outta cash just to tell them "Too bad, stay in the slums. Maybe someday you'll make it in here again. *chuckles*"

It might sound exaggerated to some of you. But people in my shoes would know that it's true. It's almost like the government mocking us poorer people. We now live in the world where the rich constantly become richer and the poor constantly become poorer. Soon after, we'll realise that we've become some 3rd world country with a "wonderbra" society.

What I'm trying to get at is that the society would be looking nice from the outside, all full and rich and pretty looking, but then everyone'll come to realise that there's actually nothing much underneath that cover they make.

Enough said. I've come to realise the fact that I've digressed too much and am talking crap. I shall go back to my "not paid to work, but paying to work" work. Sounds weird to me, but that's exactly the case for me now.

Ciao......!!

Drive

2006-05-05T10:42:00.000+08:00

Seems to me that I've lost all the drive I've had to do things.

Ever since the start of this new FYPJ, I've been feeling this way. I've lost my drive, my motivation, my groove. My plans have been ruined, leaving me a more bitter person than before.

I've started losing my cool over the slightest of things. Over things like missed buses, crowded trains, irritating people, out-of-the-way errands, sickness, overpricing of items or meals, losing to assholes in the arcade, all sorts of things, even myself.

I feel ruined. I feel like I've become the kind of loser which I despised. I also feel kinda useless, not excelling in anything.

A friend of mine once commented on why I failed my previous FYPJ. The comment was, "It's either you're caught in some conspiracy, or somehow you're very damn lousy."

That got me thinking. He's right. But what he said is very general. Now I've been looked upon by most people as really lousy. I've had shame being thrown in my face. Something like shame being glued to me like some stench that wouldn't go away not matter how much I try to get it off.

I've been having like fits of anger every now and then , even when nothing bad's happened to me. You might say that I'm looking for trouble, and I might agree. It seems like my many years of anger management has begun to fail on me. All the anger's gushing out like a river through a broken dam.

There was once when an old friend told me to let out my anger whenever I could. She said that it'll just pile up if I didn't let it out. I didn't take it seriously back then. I've been keeping everything to myself up to now. Now I realised the consequences of it.

All my emotions are pouring all over the place. It's everywhere. I'm sorta experiencing my own version of PMS. I need to kick something, something other than a bucket. I don't intend to kick the bucket right now.

But I feel like kicking another person's bucket though. Get me pissed off now and I might consider kicking yours.

You know something? I don't even know what I'm writing. I'm just letting it all out without thinking, hoping that this'll do me some good in stress-relief. I hate school. I hate paying to work. Why is it that the others can get through everything smoothly and I can't? It's just plain ridiculous. It's like what my friend said. It's either I'm caught in a conspiracy or I'm really lousy. Even a guy who sits there doing nothing all day long can pass. Even the guy who skips school can pass. Even the guy who got his supervisor to do his work for him passed. Why? Why is it that these people who don't deserve to pass actually passed when I, on the other hand, don't?

Life is unfair. That's right. But there was this thing called Karma. Is Karma fair? Is it perfect? I've had it tougher than the rest of them, but I'll be getting diploma which is of less value than the rest of them. Why?

Some people tell me to just give up and get the hell out of the school. I tell them 'no'. I've put in so much, and I won't leave until I've gotten my diploma, even though it's a real lousy one. Singaporeans are so competitive, it's getting on my nerves.

Plus there had to be some smart alecs who think they're so much more intelligent than the others, but in actual fact they're nothing more than what they really are. Just smarty pants. I've grown sick and tired of people who just want the best for only themselves and then leave the rest to rot there. Sometimes they try to hide it and act real concerned, but it's pretty obvious to me their true intention.

Maybe it's through these moments of weakness that one developes skills to judge another's personality. Or most probably I'm just sprouting nonsense over here. I've lost myself over to depression. I'm hating every minute of this. I'm hating my surroundings. I wanna just break free of this place by tearing it apart but I just can't.

It's like a prison to me. I have to be dragged all the way back even after I've finished serving my 'sentence' when the others have already gotten free. It's depressing knowing that

I'm sure everyone here has had their own share of depression, or weak moments. So please empathise with me and my feelings now. For those of you who think that life is tough even though you've had things easy, I despise you.

I have to press on and get the hell out of here. Somehow I'm looking forward to NS, though another part of me isn't. I'm hoping that life in NS would be less taxing than life here.

This life just sucked more than ever.

The final month

2006-05-04T11:33:00.000+08:00

Yes, my final month as a civilian. After that I'll be in NS. Fast, ain't it?

Few months ago, I was still thinking that NS is still far away. Now it's not. I've been robbed of the final 3 months of civilian-hood, or whatever you call that. But then again, I've sorta gotten over it and am contemplating something else.

I've been thinking. Thinking of ways to survive NS. Well, not really survive as in literally physical survival, but actually social survival. I can't imaging what it would do to my social life, since it's known to send most people into states of MIA.

Can't really imagine what it would be like for me to just go missing just like that. Since I'll most probably be on the combat side of the army, it's highly probable that I'll be gone for quite some time before people would actually see me around. Well of course, I'll be a bald man by then.

Which reminds me. I have to get myself a hat. Any hat. Caps, fishing hats, snow caps, songkoks, turbans, berets (guess I'll be using that a lot by NS), cowboy hats, tophats, wigs, anything that would cover the baldness of my head suring BMT. But I would prefer some better looking hats, of course.

Anyway, I've been sick these days, and it seems that the sickness not gonna go away soon. How would I know? Probably because the heavens above has its own ways of screwing up my life, my plans and me. The plan to get me into NS by 9th of June is already by itself, a way to screw me up.

It makes the army seem so desperate. For what, I wouldn't know. I'd most probably know when I get enlisted, which is real soon. Letter's here, instruction's clear. I'll be in there before I even see or smell or hear about my 21st birthday cake. I guess it's gonna be happy 21st birthday in Tekong for me. I'll singing birthday songs to myself, hoping that my rifle would would have some response and hopefully sing me back my song.

I'm mad, yes. I can't deny that. I cannot not deny not the fact that I'm not not mad. I'm going slight mad. Ok, ignore this paragraph.

To look on the brighter side of things, I'll be coming out of the army earlier than some of my friends, since some of them would be enlisting in September or October. I may or may not laugh at them when they go in Tekong.

As you can see, I'm extremely bored here. I have to be part of a darned conspiracy. I have to cover up for someone. I have to be here redoing my FYPJ. That why I'm tired, I'm sick, I'm looking for ways to 'chaokeng' my way through. As I've seen somewhere before, on a
photoshop-ed army poster which says, "Compromise is not an option. Chaokeng is."

That's real true. The more I compromise, the more nonsense I get. So, I must 'chaokeng' more to get rid of all these nonsense directed at me. I'm sick and tired of taking raps, covering up, and getting hit by some conspiracy of some sort.

"Compromise is not an option. Chaokeng is."

Something I've learnt. Never gonna forget that.

Not Your Place.

2006-04-18T10:56:00.000+08:00

Realise the initials of the title and how it's NYP? Yes. It's definitely not your place. Not even mine, even though I have to be here. This is sad. I could've been out there looking for a job already. Realise that I'm still very much haunted by this? But try this, do FYPJ the second time and you'd definitely understand what I'm going through.

To come and think about it, I'm supposed to be a free man now. I'm supposed to be working on something else that'll get me paid. I'm supposed to be somewhere else other than here. This is definitely not my place.

I'm not even supposed to be here! But since there's a conspiracy, there's no way the situation could be helped. Some people believe I should be here, while other think not. I believe some of you might be laughing at me. But then I also believe there are those who aren't.

Then again, it doesn't matter. I'm not even sure what does right now. My enlistment date's drawing near, if they don't let me go by then, I'll be screwed. I'm at my wit's ends. I can't seem to be able to handle my life properly now. I'm losing it.

You might say that I have already lost it. But I'll tell you, no. I haven't lost it. Just losing it. I'm on the verge of losing my sanity. I get pissed off at the slightest things, I'm so full of angst now. Because of the repeat? Maybe.

Some say they miss the school. Me? I just wanna get the hell outta here with my diploma. The school is killing me, taking bits of what's left of me down.

To me, this place is like a prison. My current lab is my prison cell. It has cameras to look at me, and windows for visitors to look in. I have no life here. My life is somewhere else. I feel robbed. Robbed of my money, humanity, freedom and the opportunity to work for my future.

Seriously speaking, I feel that no one understand what I'm going through, with the exception of those who went through the same predicament as I am right now. Think I deserve it? That I'm not too sure. Maybe I did deserve to be here. Maybe I deserve to be part of this conspiracy.

I'd been doing my work too faithfully. I still despise people who get their way without having to do anything. I still hate those people who take the easy way out and laugh at me, who's taken the alternative path. I spit in the face of people who are so awfully lucky and somewhat pushing their luck.

I have let myself down. The school has let me down. People have let me down. But then again, Life still has to go on. I have to stop letting myself down. I'm sick and tired now. Sick of school, tired of their conspiracy.

They're just making up stupid excuses to get me work for the school for free, but at the same time, I have to pay school fees just to stay in school. This is stupid. This is fugged up. This is definitely not right. Of all people, why me? It's not like that school hasn't done enough to me already.

I might be sharing the same thinking as one of my peers, who's doing his attachment right now. His school life has also been full of injustice, almost as much as mine. But the difference is, I dont't hate IT. I just hate the school. Like him, I don't like most of my classmates. But now's not the time to elaborate on that. I'll elaborate on that some other time.

People say that I'm looking for trouble. I'll say one thing. It's not trouble I'm looking for. It's more of recognition and voicing out my views, which is what most losers won't do. Why? They're afraid. Gutless.

Some tell me to fug the school and go do something else. I tell them, "No, I won't."

And then I'll add on the fact that I want my diploma to show the world what I've been through. I want a certificate of appreciation. I want something to show and tell the world that I have "Been though all those shit to get this stupid certificate."

So again, NYP's not your place. It's a place for c***suckers (not referring to the scandal) who leech their way to success. These people deserve to be a**raped (again not referring to the scandal) and shot to death.

Stupid place. I just wanna get the hell out.

Eeewwww..........

2006-04-10T11:50:00.000+08:00

What's worse than a transvestite?

Well, to me, it would be what I saw yesterday. That's eeewww.......... So damn fuggin' disgusting.

Alright, I was walking around in Bugis yesterday with Salad. Went to play a few games and then we felt like walking around. It wasn't long after that I felt like grabbing a snack or something along that line. So off I went to the basement and got myself a bite to eat. As soon as I've gotten the snack, I turned around to talk to Salad when something caught my eye from afar.

It was this tall person with a big blonde wig-like hairdo, wearing a pink racer back top, a blue denim miniskirt and the rest I couldn't see. Never mind that, but what was horrible was that it turned out to be a man!

Not surprising? Well, I'll tell you what's bad. The thing that's horrible was that he was very clearly unshaven. He had a stubby chin and overall an uneven face. It was basically a loanshark look. If I remember correctly, I've seen this guy somewhere before. He was at the video arcade at the basement the other day, hanging around the escalator, in front of the toilets. I've got absolutely no idea what the fug he's doing there. Prolly wondering which toilet to go into? FUG.

I nearly lost my appetite back then.

The second round of terror came at night. Me and Salad went to Dhoby Ghaut. We were at the X-zone downstairs, hanging out. When suddenly this weird girl called out to Salad. She was plump, and had some kinda funny makeup on. It was OBVIOUSLY fuggin' thick. Well, maybe it's one of the trademark features of some very emo cosplayer.

She beat me at the game I was playing, which up to now I still haven't figured out why. What the fug. Soon after, I switched game and ended up playing cooperative with Salad when suddenly Alakazu came about. We challenged him to a round, and ended up pissing him off. Haha. Saw his new girlfriend, whom I think is either really bimbotic or really up to no good, considering what I heard from people. That they live together.

Well, if you ask me, Alakazu's one big chunk of gay nonsense. He looks like one, not only because he dresses like one, but also because of his cb face. But appearence aside, I still find his personality damn gay.

To be able to live with him is one hell of a big feat, considering the fact that I can't even stand him. But to be able to live with him in his house is a hell of an amazing feat. From what I experience, his house strongly reflects his personality. It's fits damn well, so well that I would say "you came from that manger? cool."

Well, his new girlfriend's given me a very weird impression. She doesn't look exceptionally good, but then she dresses in a very bimbotic way. The way she walks would simply annoy other girls, I presume, judging from the fact that she sways her butt in a very unnatural manner when she walks.

But looks aside, she hasn't been really friendly, so that leaves me with some bad impression of some sort. But then again, it's got nothing to do with me, so it's not my business to care. It'll just become one of the topics to talk to people about.

Anyway, Salad and I went off and started talking about the plump girl with the ridiculous amount of makeup. We both agreed that it was damn scary. I mean, I wouldn't wanna wake up first thing in the morning and see something like that glaring at me.

Put it this way. If I were given a choice, I'd choose 'seeing Brock Lesnar getting ready to body-slam me' over 'seeing her face with epilepsy-inducing makeup glaring at me' anytime. At least the body-slam part is more or less negotiable, while she isn't.

Eewww...!!

Anyway, I know I'm mean, but these are the things I saw yesterday. I'm trying to let it out of me and share it with you guys. Evil? Not really, I guess. I find things like 'unshaven faggot' and 'epilepsy-inducing makeup' more evil. So evil, they're sinister.

I could almost hear you saying "Eewww...!!"

Hehe.

Finanzkrise

2006-04-03T11:51:00.000+08:00

Means financial crisis. I'm having one right now. Should I go get a job? I guess I should, though it'll be very taxing on me. Hmm.. I'm super bored in lab everyday. Right now, 6pm's my only salvation from this wreched place we call school. I mean, I should've been outta here by now and looking for a temp job, earning money to get a better PC at home and then go work on my portfolio, which I have intended to since very damn long ago.

But no, I have to be part of the school's conspiracy to keep students here in school. I'm now trying to look on the brighter side of life in school, considering the fact that I can still have meals that don't burn holes in my wallet.

Well, that's the least they could do to reduce my troubles. I mean, if they were to hinder my finance, they should at least leave me with some way out or something.

Hmm.. Come to think about it, I'm actually in similar situations as compared to most of my peers. They're working, I am too. Only difference's that they're PAID to work, when I PAY to work. Tenses do make a hell lot of a big difference.

I digressed. ARGH~!

Anyway, I'm seriously considering a job at Expo. It's from 7pm to 11pm. But I'm worried that it might be too taxing on me. I already have the school burning me down, and the job'll be like adding kerosine. Man! This sucks. I'm in a financial crisis now, and I've got no way out. Maybe I should f** this job and go ask around, see if there's a better alternative.

Hmm... That'll be a better solution. I should go ask around.

That'll be it for now.

The wonderful feeling of being jaded

2006-03-24T11:22:00.000+08:00

Yeah, I'm experiencing it now. To tell you the truth, it makes me feel like kicking someone's balls or something. But never mind with that, I'm trying to get over it as quickly as possible.

As you might have heard, known, or seen, I'm back in school again for my FYPJ - yet again. Why? I'm not even sure of it myself. I'm still trying to take in the fact that I'm repeating. I'm still hoping that everything I'm experiencing now is all just a bad joke being played on me.

But then again, I'm here. Doing what? God knows. I still don't have a clear perspective of what I'm supposed to be doing here. I guess it should be time for me to start accepting the fact that I'm currently in year 5.

But then again, I'm not really in year 5. Judging by the semesters I spent in school, I'm academically in year 5. But judging by time, I'm still year 4 if I finish everything by the first of july. Also, if I were to omit away the year I spent in DMD, I'll be still either year 3/4. So, I have to say this. I AM NOT DOING MY FIFTH YEAR.

It's about time I start thinking this is reality, not any joke or dream of any kind. As of right now, I'm broke, broken, devastated, disappointed and real real sad. But then again, I have to be looking at the bright side of things.

Don't ask me questions like, "Why you fail?" or "How come you're here?". Seriously, I don't even have the answer to those questions myself. I mean, how am I supposed to know why the school failed me? If the school decides to not give me a pass, there's nothing I could do right? So stop asking me these senseless questions. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that I got screwed.

On the other hand, I wanna be more positive about this. That's why, I don't want to be lamenting for the repeat. I wanna get this over and done with. I wanna get the hell outta here.

People say that academic achievements are important. I say that it's a misconception. It is not really about striving for achievements to show other people. That's just a bonus. But what's more important is the lesson learnt. Studying is, by itself, supposed to be a learning journey. It's all for education, not really for the achievements.

That's why I would say that the local society is for the birds. You get a bunch of cornlogs who come around and show you some bloody achievements they've gotten through some underhand methods and then the authorities would say things like "Ooh, they are high achievers, you should learn something from them."

Bullshit. Well, there ARE exceptions, of course. There are some people whom I know truly deserve that merit. These are really the people we should look up to. Not like those emo-kids who think they're so great just because they memorise textbooks and do well in the exams, and are so awfully lucky that they always get easy assignments and supervisors who favour them.

This disgusts me. Anyway, I'm here doing nuts, it's natural for me to throw out these nonsense. So if you don't like what you see, then treat it like you would to the wrapper you just had minutes ago. Just throw it away. Litter if you want. After all, it's something you wanna get rid of.

Ok, enough crap. I'm talking nonsense right now. But it DOES seem logical, doesn't it? After all, that blog's name would conclude everything anyway.

No offence

2006-02-21T11:33:00.000+08:00

No offence, but I think I'll take back what I said yesterday. About the "BASTARD". I know, it's wrong to call people that. So, I take it back. I guess I was too agitated.

Anyway, no progress regarding my work for now. It's adding on to my frustrations. ARGH~!

Guess I should be getting back to work now, lest I wanna repeat.

This is killing me.

Wo willst du hin?

2006-02-21T01:11:00.000+08:00

Where will you go? If your supervisor's in the room next to you, and you've got a deadline to meet. Well, I have absolutely no idea. I feel trapped. Nailed down and screwed up. Having to face the 'Green Dragon Cresent Blade' every now and then. Yes, if this sounds like some old Chinese epic story, you're on the right track.

Apparently, the guy who watches us in the room has a red face. I mean, it does seem pretty red, and I'm not exaggerating. I looks like 'Guan Yu' from 'Three Kingdoms'. No kidding. My direct supervisor looks somewhat like his sworn brother, 'Zhang Fei'. Please, this is no joke. The more I look at them, the more resemblence I find. My goodness.

I've been going crazy just staying in the room these few days. 'Guan Yu' keeps getting on my case, taking apart my scripts bit by bit by bit. His testing's one of the worst in the world. He tests every scenario, every possibility, every funny secluded corner of my script. Eventually, he would find bugs or errors in my scripts. How he does that is completely out of my comprehension. I wanna cry, but I can't really waste time cryin' out here. I've got work to do, a deadline to meet.

AARRGGGHHH~!!!!!!

Sometimes, I just wanna scream. Oh by the way, there is someone in the room who does nothing much the entire day except for surfing the net and walking around causing disturbances. He's one lucky dude, he's got 'Liu Bei' to look after him. Well, he's got his supervisor to DO HIS PROJECT FOR HIM. Lucky BASTARD~!

Anyway, not to say that I've got something against him, just that I can't stand him sometimes. He does all sorts of crappy things when we're not in the mood for nonsense, and he seems to be having the most freedom amongst all of us in the lab. If that's not good enough, he could always complain, which he is, currently. Well, actually, not exactly currently, but permanently-currently, if you get what I mean.

You must be wondering about the 'Liu Bei' person. He's a nice guy, who helps out students in the lab whenever he can. Just that some lucky bastard's abusing that fact. Anyway, you must be wondering why I call him by that name. Well, he hangs out with 'Guan Yu' and 'Zhang Fei', so naturally he's come to be 'Liu Bei'. And by the way, from my perspective, he seems pretty patient and friendly. I guess that's why he doesn't mind doing the project for some guy i mentioned earlier.

Well, pardon me for my offensive way of blogging, just that I'm under lots of stress, and am now working under pressure to deliver everything on time. I guess I'll be doing OT everyday for the week, unlike some lucky BASTARD who gets to go home on time so as to PM me from home to 'rub it in' on me.

Well, hope I meet the deadline, and that I'll survive the entire FYPJ, so that I can graduate in March. Wish me luck if you wanna, 'cause that's not what I really need right now.

What I really need is God-like powers to create miracles to save my skin from being roasted on the grill, which I guess I'm on right now.

Anyway, I'm gonna be stressed up this week till the end of my course. Anyone planning to provoke me are strongly advised to wear a crash helmet.

The Nigga strikes back

2006-01-27T12:53:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a fun day. First off, my supervisor in FYPJ's on leave, so everyone here's breaking the law. Well, since no one cares, we may as well just go out of control or something.

Wheeh~! For the first time in my FYPJ life, I tried leaving early. True to the ways of the delinquent, it was fun. It felt so good, it's like you just got away with doing something illegal. In fact you are. But that's besides the point.

I went to visit my dear in the afternoon, 'cause she wasn't feeling well. Then after staying with her for some time, I headed to meet Salad and Totchi. We went for a movie, which affected all of us. I mean, as guys, it's natural to like martial arts movies like "Fearless". So, it really had an impact on us. Throughout the rest of the day, we were doing funny things related to the movie.

Anyway, we went to take a walk, in an attempt to get to Suntec City from Bugis, we went up the highway because of Totchi's stupid idea. We did lots of things at the highway. In spite of it being busy, we did massive stunts by walking on the road, climbing the road barriers, jaywalking here and there, doing all sorts of nonsense. Kinda stupid, but gotta admit it's fun doing it.

Few weeks ago, I had a steamboat dinner with ROMe people, Star, Vennex and Shikane. Went there with Salad. I was amazed at how Star could swallow that much nonsense. She flooded the entire table right at the start of the meal. OMG.

I tried tell her, "Ay Star, the table's flooded with ur crap".

Then she said, "Of cuz! I'm gonna go take more. I'm fuggin' hungry."

Then I was like 'WTF?!', and since I know there's nothing I could do about the situation, I went back to sit down and eat my food. Then there was Vennex. He's there going 'Rocks' at everything.

Then along comes Shikane. She said that she'd been sleeping on her right arm, and now her entire right arm including the hand is numb. So she can't hold the chopsticks. That's so sad man...

And then the next thing we knew, he was standing in the corner lighting his cigarette, and going 'Rocks'. I mean, WTF man?

-----------------------

I sorta forgot what I wanted to post up here, since now that I've left this entry for quite some time. Anyway, I guess I'll just write another entry.

Back in school

2005-12-28T15:21:00.000+08:00

It's again, the time to blog. Well, since I have nothing much to do, I may as well blog.

Anyway, I'm getting sick of the look of this blog. Most probably I'll change it one of these days. That is, if I get my hands on a machine with photoshop installed. Now that I'm done with the attachment, a portion of my stress went away. Though I didn't get good grades, I'm glad it's over.

Despite the fact that I've been put in a lab with a full-time pessimist who has a never-ending inventory of bad thoughts, I'm still trying my best to be optimistic. I'm trying my best not to be influenced by this sort of things. It's horrible. Here I am, trying to look on the bright side of things, and along comes the pessimist. It simply sucks.

I hope this'll be the last I hear from people like that. Oh by the way, I still haven't received any notice regarding my deferment. I'm beginning to expect the worst. Well, I don't mind going NS, just give me some goddamn time to chill or something. It's unreasonable that I don't get any time off at least release the tension. This is another things that brings me down.

I don't want NS to affect me in any way, particularly my studies. This is an aspect of MinDef which I hate. They're so desperate for people to go army. So much so that they can throw away our future just like that, with their obligatory National Service. I mean, yeah, so it's compulsory, but compulsory doesn't give them the right to put me through this. I have my studies and my life to juggle. And then now I have NS hot on my heels. It's not fair that some people get their time off and I don't.

Well, enough said, I'd better prepare myself to spend my 'vacation' in Tekong. That's the reward I get after toiling around without break for close to one year. Put it simply, I'm tired. I'm exhausted, and now I have to go NS in a worn-out state-of-mind.

Alright, I'd better talk about happier stuff, rather than complaining, since I can't really do anything about it. I've done what's supposed to be done, now it's up to them to decide.

Anyway, I'm kinda glad that my assignment for my final year project is more interesting than the rest's. I mean, the other people get to do mobile games or flash games, which are more limiting. When I, on the other hand, get to do a PC game. Well, I can't really say that I got it, it's more like 'we' got it. Yes, I have a partner. A change from the previous experiences I've had.

I hope the project won't be too taxing on me, since after this I'll be in Tekong. But then again, I'm hoping to get a Napfa silver. So at least I won't be in that quickly and can get myself some time off in that case. Which leaves me here, with the responsiblity of improving my physical well-being. I guess it's no more lying around for me anymore.

Another good thing about FYPJ is that I'm back in school. What's more is that I'm now assigned to work in Blk M, school of design. That's great. I miss some of the lecturers who used to scold me, criticise me but more importantly, mentored me and educated me.

Anyway, I have to get working now. Lots of things to try and to do. Damn, it's freezing in here. And I forgotten my jacket. Well, gotta go. I'll keep on hunting for the machine with photoshop installed and revamp the look of this funny blog of mine.

Fair or not?

2005-10-20T23:45:00.000+08:00

Ok, now I'm over the results thing. The thing is that the results aren't really as important as we all thought. It was due to some counselling and the rest self-realisation that this came to mind. Like my LO said to me, "Even if you get really good grades, it's still academic. People want to see skills, rather than just some thing academic."

Yeah, that's true. It all goes back to people who memorise and people who are just so damn lucky. Yes, these are the people who made my life so hard. Thanks a lot. But now, I've gotten over it. I found that the lessons learnt are more important than the grade itself. It is the learning process and the knowledge that matter, not the grade. The grade is only there to screw people like me upside down. Grades are only there to see if your memory is good enough to hold the entire semester's worth of crap.

Anyway, I wanna be over the results thing, because there's nothing I could do about it anymore. It's there for good now. Now, I just wanna know how I would fare in the industry. So far, not impressive. It sucks to be me. Why is it that other people get high-paying easy jobs that give good grades, and I get something else. Is it fair? Hmm.. Maybe.

I don't wanna care about this kind of crap or whatsoever. It's ultimately crap to me. I get some people laughing at me for getting such low grades and such, and I used to get angry. But now, I don't wanna care anymore. The world is not really a fair place, I guess.

Well, not that I want to say, but I realised that my way of learning is not the same as others. I don't learn with the book in front of me. I learn based on interest, and experience. Most of the times having the experiences to be horrific.

Anyway, I'm here to get what my LO would call, "Certificate of Participation", then after NS, I plan to come back to NYP to study again. And hopefully, I would be ready to get a job by the time everything's done.

Speaking of NS, it's been bothering me quite a bit.

I feel that it's desperate for intake or something. It's been bugging me since some time ago, and now they sent me a letter to tell me a very disheartening piece of news. And that is, that my enlistment would be on March 11, 2006. My course would officially end on March 10, 2006. Which means, "My course has just finished! w00t! But I have to go Army the tomorrow..."

This sucks. Hope I could change the date of my enlistment. From what I know, there're lots of things to prepare for enlistment, and I don't wish to compromise my school time to do all that. It affects me in a great way. Also, I really wish to have some time off to chillout. It's been ridiculously stressful these few months, and I don't wish for that kind of stress to last till I'm 23 without any breaks in between. It would really make me go mad.

That is why, I decided to get a day off from my work, and go down to CMPB again, to try to defer my enlistment. It's really troublesome, but it's worth the trouble. This trouble's gonna save me a lot of troubles in future.

So, now do you think my life is fair? Well, maybe. I'm just out of luck and seriously out of place. That's all. I'm do things differently, and I see things in another way. That is why memorising was never my forte but creativity is. Though right now I might not have to brain-power to be, due to the crap I've been taking recently. I need some time off to chill. That's all I ask for. Please, if there's any form of justice out there, save my soul.

Or is this world so full of injustice? Hmm...

FOR GREATER JUSTICE TAKE OFF EVERY ZIG

Utter disappointment

2005-10-11T07:30:00.000+08:00

I should have expected this. The school just screwed me up again. Why is it that I work so hard just so that I would get disappointments at the end? This is so unfair. Everything just disappoints me. It's ridiculously unjust, if you ask me.

My academic results for this semester are just full of Cs and Ds again. Even my case stady module which I worked on almost every single day in school didn't make it. How could this be? This is really really screwed up. It's a form of corruption. Why is it that I could never ever get an impressive grade for at least anything? Why can't the school just let me have a higher GPA? This is a very screwed up life for me.

I am really really very frustrated right now. I wonder what my other team members got. If they gotten better grades for the case study module, I'm going to have to do something about it. Look, I know it's kinda rash, but no words can describe the disappointment I'm feeling right now. It's just so wrong.

I'm not really keen on carrying on this entry. It just pisses me off even more. Now I really hope my attachment could pull up my grades. It's really frustrating for me. Maybe I could need some councilling on this. Maybe I would even need to ask my lecturers as to why my grades are like this. There's got to be a good reason. If not, it's just unfair.

Right now, I really really don't need anyone to rub it in or simply laugh at me or something. Makes me wanna just strangle those people who do that. Console me if you like, maybe it'll help me recover from this huge blow. I just don't want any sour words on me. It simply sucks.

This makes me hate the school system even more right now. Though I know it's impulsive, I just can't help it. Anyone would understand my frustrations right now.

I don't really think I can carry on anymore. The fruits of my labour are not showing at all.

I guess I'll be somewhere drinking this weekend or something. My life is just too sad.

Pwned.

2005-09-30T03:21:00.000+08:00

I jus received news that I'll be going for my industrial placement programme in a company called "Pay2Home". It's in Tanjong Pagar, some funny corner which I have never explored in my 20 years of life. Well, I hope it's within walking distance from the train station, and I mean 'walking distance' as in 'a few blocks away' sorta thing.

But what matters most is that I really hope to get tasks that are within my capability. Because I can't be expected to work beyond my abilities, otherwise I'll be needing hair dyes to colour my hair black again.

I feel really screwed about getting to do J2EE for my attachment. I mean, I bluffed my way through it, and got a D, if I remembered correctly. Nevertheless, regardless of whether I'm good or not, I guess I'll try my best. Anyway, attitude towards work counts. It counts more than the abilities, I guess.

I need to be extra alert this time, as I realised that I have 1 LO, and if I'm not wrong 2 OICs, instead of the usual 1. I guess I could be screwed quite easily. And this time by 3 people. Burr... It sends shivers down my spine.

I really need to be getting my act straight, as this is a gravely important 3-month period for me. I need to get a good grade to atone for my lousy performance the last few semesters. I need something to impress people next time, which I haven't done so in any way so far.

To begin getting my act straight, I need to go shopping for clothes. From what I'm instructed to do, I'm supposed to be in formal wear. I'm like half-done with that, so I'll get on to the next task I have to fufill.

My next task would be to get to know where exactly the company is, which I guess I'll be doing on either saturday or sunday, depending on changing factors. Also, I've got to go write up my resume and cover letter, in addition, prepare my course details (WTF is that?!), a photocopy of my NRIC, and I think that's basically it. All those, I guess I'll be doing later on in the day.

And the last few things to do would be to go out with my friends, spend time with my dear (she'll be in a similar situation as mine), and to kiss my freedom goodbye.

I really need to go out with my old friends. A friend would be going NS soon, so we'll be having a party for him on saturday night. Another friend would be coming out from the army soon. Pretty soon, I'll be going in myself. But that'll be another issue altogether.

My friends whom I've been spending time with, you know who you are. I guess I'll be making time during my weekends for you people. I don't wanna be missing all that crap from you guys. I just won't be as 'free' as I used to be.

And finally, my dear. I'm planning to give the rest of my time to her. I hope she'll be doing the same too. Aww......!!!

Anyway, the thing that is important for me to do is to get my sleeping time right. I have to adjust to the company office hours. I can't be reporting in late, nope. And I can't be caught napping in the office. It's not like school, where I can almost sleep as and when I feel like. It's work now, and it's personal this time. I don't wanna be screwing up my life just because of stupid blunders that I make. Besides, it's all part of attitude, and attitude counts. It counts lots.

Well, I guess I've said what I have to say for now. I guess I'll be lingering for a while more before I embark on my adventure in Slumberland.

Wish me luck!

Freedom~! For now, that is..

2005-09-24T03:00:00.000+08:00

Finally, my exams are over. The mobile applications paper was tough. Not as tough as expected, but I did have to crap my way out. The games development paper was alright, even though I did have to talk some sensible rubbish. That leaves the project module to be cleared, which I think is settled on it's own.

And finally, that leaves me with nothing. Nothing but freedom. For now, that is.

Well, I've got no activity lined up. I just want to kick back and relax until my attachment begins. Up till now, I still have no idea where I'll end up in. Hope I don't end up in places that are too far away from my home. And I also hope I don't get slave-driving jobs, if you know what I mean. I hate being slave-drived.

Anyway, speaking of slave-driving, I've been slave-driving myself throughout my entire project. I certainly hope that I'll get my ful credit for what I've done for the past few months. Hopefully that'll get me an A or something. I haven't had a single one throughout my entire poly life!

Also, about attachment, I don't want to be doing up web-applications or things like that. I understand nuts about those god-forsaken things. Asking me to do those things is like asking a mute to sing a song. I certainly don't want to be in that kind of predictament. It'll be too much for me to take. I might even opt for a resignation to my attachment and waste another 3 months of my life.

That is why I'm waiting for a good piece of news to drop by my ear on wednesday. I mean, next wednesday. Well, I hope I can get what I want, not something stupid by the school again. Even though I get this haunting feeling that something bad's going to befall on me. You know, unlike some people, luck doesn't stay by my side. It comes and goes as and when it likes. Whereas there are some people whose luck never seems to run out. I wonder why... More like, I wonder how...

That's right, I really wonder why and how! Why do these people have everlasting luck? How do these people have everlasting luck? Is it something we get for something we do? Is it favouritism shown by the heavens? What is it? Hmm... Got me wondering. Well, it's nice to have this kind of luck, not that I do, but I don't think it's really right to abuse it. It's not right to show it off.

Don't you hate it when someone comes up to you and tell you, "Holy shit! I've finished my program for my semestral project by deleting 3 lines of code!" when you are there, lost in your notes trying to figure out something and when he tell you this, you lose your concentration and and your train of thoughts. This is very irritating. What worse is that after that, he continues his bragging, "... and the 3 of them couldn't solve that problem. So they went for a break and left me with the problem, and I sat there wondering what these codes do... And I came across these 3 lines of code which I find useless and deleted them off. And what do you know? It's working!!"

I tell you, that's a real life example of some lucky insensitive bastard who deserves nothing more than to have a class-4 vehicle run over him. Thank goodness there's double penalty for me if I decide to use violence. That got me thinking, and prevented me from hitting someone like that.

Even now, it still pisses me off to get situations like that. Whatever.

I don't want to care about these people anymore, I just want to enjoy my freedom week peacefully, and hopefully Lady Luck decides to smile upon me regarding my attachment.

Marvel of teamwork

2005-08-31T01:24:00.000+08:00

I have to marvel at the power of teamwork. I mean, we all have to. Up to now, I haven't really been experiencing teamwork in my semestral project. But then recently, I've been helped out by my team member.

Well, thanks to him, I managed to get something presentable out. Also, I managed to get out of a checkmate-situation. I have a medical examination this thursday, meaning tomorrow, and I'm glad he's there to cover my ass. Great. Now, I can live in peace, and have some breathing space and therefore, I'm blogging now.

Realise how I didn't blog these past few weeks? I've been too busy with project. So much so that I have to stay back in school for a considerable amount of time everyday. Well, I hope the hard work would pay off, even though it looks like crap for the moment.

Anyway, that's it with my school life. Now my social life.

I'm sorta becoming more and more bonded to my current classmates. Well, some due to work and some due to common interests. Anyway, I really enjoy hanging out with some of them, even though I've only known them for like a few months.

I'd like to thank some of them, understanding my situation and helping me out of my problems these few weeks. They each helped me in different ways. Some help me with my work, and some helped me get away from my work as I was starting to become a workaholic.

Well, I've been dedicating too much of myself to work. I certainly hope it would, one way or another, pay off. Else I'll leave the school with an extremely low GPA, which would of course, suck.

With that, I still don't understand some people. They are interested in the specialisation track that I'm in, and yet they dare not enter it. I guess they are mostly scared away by the programming language we use, and the game logic that we put in. Well, to those people, I would say, "You never know till you try it out."

I guess that can't be helped. I decided to take a risk myself, and ended up in fields of gold. I'm enjoying my time here, and I'm loving every minute of it, except for some of the redundant modules. Anyway, at least everything here is simply short and sweet. No prolonged suffering or darned stupid rules.

I guess I did survive to see the rainbow after the rain. I came through lots to start enjoying my school life. I certainly hope that this would last.

Anyway, I've said enough for now. Mental fatigue kicks in, and I'm recovering from mild fever and food poisoning.

Wish me luck!

P.S. The other blog is just for fun. It's there to spite someone we know.

What's goin' on?

2005-08-09T21:35:00.000+08:00

I don't know. I guess I didn't really feel like updating this blog for some time. Reasons being that I've been rather busy unlike some people, and that I'm too moody to blog. As I looked at some people's lives, I somehow wished that I could exchange lives with them. Why? I appears to me the Lady Luck does not really like smiling at me. Thing is that, I have to toil like ants and some people don't, and the results are the same. I'm not really complaining, I'm just saying.

What I really am annoyed about are those people out there who are arrogant and cocky about the way luck comes to them and not to me. They must've done something really great in their previous lives or something like that.

Well then, I'm quite certain that their miraculously everflowing luck would run out soon, as I can see for some people. Yes, luck would eventually run out, and their arrogance and cockiness would soon turn into their greatest barrier to success, to even life itself. And therefore, they would engage in a vicious cycle that wears them out like rubber tyres on tar roads, until the day when they fully overcome that barrier and live off work, and not sheer luck.

That's all I have to say for the dissatisfactions towards some people.

Another thing I'd like to share is my school work. It's been depressing, but then again, it's fun. It's fun mostly due to the fact that this is what I signed up for. I have interest in my work, and I'm proud to show it. Also, the sense of achievement is overwhelming.

Great.

Now my work has been coming along fine, just that the only things that bother me are those bugs in my program that are simply glaring at me. Most of you reading this would probably know the details, and therefore I think I can save some energy in drawing everything out.

Yeah, great. I'd like to give many thanks to my good friend Salad. He's been a good listening ear and also a wonderful entertainer. If there's anybody I'd like to thank for supporting me spiritually, it's gotta be him.

And also thanks to Isaac for helping me with my questions about programming. Please continue to help me as I'm gonna need help from time to time. By the way, the event at the indoor stadium was an eye-opener. I was glad I went.

And as for my Dear, thanks for being with me. Your presence alone can make a world of a difference to me. Your cuteness will always brighten my day.

Finally, I wanna thank everybody else who's providing me with support and entertainment. Thank you all.

May my project go on smoothly. And may Lady Luck smile upon me once more. I'll really need the luck.

The pressure kicks in.

2005-08-01T22:28:00.000+08:00

Yeah. It's back to school for me. Kinda regreted not doing anything great during the holidays. I should've enjoyed my term break while I still could. But then again, it's too late to complain now, since it's over anyway.

So bored.... Bored.... Bored.... No life.... Argh!!! Well, at least it's not as stressful now. I've done my codings, and now it's left with some funny shit to do up. The skeleton program for my project is mostly up, now all there is left is to add some gameplay. Well, at least I didn't completely waste my term break. I spent it all on the project. Well, It was all worth it after all. I really hope to boost up my GPA this semester. I'm sick of being at the bottom.

Well, I hope I could rise from the bottom. It sucks to be there.

But anyway, yeah. I've decided to dedicate my time to do up the project, now leaving the rest of the administrative stuff to my team members. Well, I have to do something about it. I don't wanna just sit there and start stoning away.

Recently's been quite fun to me. I went out with my Dear on saturday. She was wearing the red blouse I bought her, and a denim skirt. She looked so cute!!! She should dress up more often. It makes her look good and adorable! So cute!!!

Anyway, I went out with Salad yesterday. Many many thanks to his sister who provided for the meal at Fish & Co. It was a wonderful meal. That was the first time I had a meal at Fish & Co. I might consider going there some time. Nyeheheh...

Anyway, I'm dead tired. I haven't slept well last night. Well, in fact, I slept at 5am and woke up at 6am. So it's only 1 hour of sleep. I even missed my Tae Kwon Do lesson. I'm gonna get screwed by my instructor... And I'm gonna have to miss my grading once again. Come to think about it, it's been almost a year since I went for my grading. Whoops!! It's time to catch up on what I missed all this while. It's sickening to know that I'm not able to do the things I used to be able to do. It's high time to start my kicks-training. It's gonna be a big kick for me, especially after slacking and lazing around for so long.

Well, like I said, I'm dead tired. So now I'll be going off to slumberland. And by the way, I 've been wanting to change this blog's background. But I can't seem to find any time to do it. And I still haven't cut my hair. Yeah, I'm the world's greatest procrastinator.

Worship me!

Having a break that is not exactly a break.

2005-07-27T02:04:00.000+08:00

I tell myself, "This is a time to takea little break... It is a time to rest...". But then again, I can't really help but feel really really irresponsible if I really did take a break. So.....

I went forth to do what I was supposed to do for the term break. That is to finish up a little part of my semestral project. I decided to do up the 'skeleton' for it. And so, I'll be going school for quite a few days before I can truly take a break. Not to forget that there is also a report due after the break.

F***.

This is stressful. The workload's found its way to me, now it's chewing up my head. Which is why I finally gotten my fisherman hat! Well, this afternoon I had it with me, and the first thing someone said was, "Why did you get yourself this cancer hat?!".

Anyway, forget the 'cancer hat' thing. I have to say some good news. One of it is that I finally drafted out my program. My game world's 50% complete. I'm done doing up the furniture and now, I'll be going on to do up the walls and corridors, my sky and characters.

And oh, speaking of which, I have to go work on it tomorrow. Again... Anyway, I hope I'll be done with it by tomorrow. Because I don't really intend to work my entire term break away. It's only one-week long.

Sigh...

Recently, I read some articles and found that there are funny shit happening around the world. For example, Cameron Diaz. She got blackmailed. Somebody threatened to distribute indecent photos of her if she didn't pay a ridiculously huge amount of money. Those pictures were apparently taken when she was 19, before stardom. So, the thing is that she's just plain unlucky.

Another thing I found interesting was the article on this couple who posed as 'vampires'. Apparently, they managed to convince a woman to actually believe them, and they apparently threatened to conceive her an 'anti-christ' child if she didn't pay them a fortune.. The woman, being so gullible, actually payed them, and the couple, went off happily only to be caught after that.

It's amazing how funny things like that happen. Some you can prevent, some you can't. Well, the crappiest people are not around us, but us. So whenever you think someone's crappy, look at yourself.

Another thing to share.

Have you ever tried to give candy to a cat. Well, if you did, you'll know that it really doesn't appeal to it. The reason is because they lack the capability to taste sweetness. They can't detect sugar. Reason being that they are lacking a type of protein in their genes. But other than that, the cat's perfectly normal. And since they are carnivorous, it's not a big problem. They don't need the ability to taste sweetness. Which is why cats are mostly cranky.

But I love cats this way. I love them cranky. I am cranky myself. Muahahaha!!!

Anyway, enough of fun facts. I dead beat. I'm probably going to bathe and then lie down on my bed. I still have to work tomorrow, you know.

Sianzzzness.

2005-07-21T23:50:00.000+08:00

Been up to no good recently. Err.. Actually, I've been screwing around recently. Enjoying my life until recently, when my work piled up. Well, it's not really up to me to decide to pile up the work, it's because the assignments came all of a sudden and swept my feet off the ground. As if there was a ground to begin with, by the way.

But I can't really complain. I've been running around doing nothing for far too long. It's time for me to cast aside my holiday mood and begin working seriously for once. It is my final academic semester, after all. Speaking of holiday mood, the term break's here again. I guess I have to put the cast-aside-my-holiday-mood mindset away for a while more. Hehe.....

Anyway, it's been like almost 2 months since I said I wanted to cut my hair. Up to now, I still haven't done anything related to that. I guess I really am a procrastinator. But I made a promise to myself that I would do it in my term break, I hope. I really want to style up my hair a little, since it looks kinda crappy now.

I thinking of buying a scandal hat. You know, the fisherman's hat. I don't know why, but I have this little urge to get it and wear it. Wait... Little is not the word to use here, the word's strong. Yeap, I have this strong urge to get it and wear it. But about the colour, err.... Let's just say I'm still fickle about it.

But anyway, my workload's coming. I'm gonna find myself working day till night, night till day, 5 days a week. I'm gonna have to program an entire game out along with my 2 other partners. That's a lot of work, I presume. But anyway, I hope I'll find a way out.

Anyway, I'm in charge of doing up the skeleton program for the game project, then once that's up, we are gonna add things inside to beautify it. Like adding collision detection, AI, different stages, and also some other crap that has something to do with those.

Holding responsibilty of doing up the skeleton program is rather tedious work, or rather, it's vexing. I have to be responsible for any stupid mistakes that I make. But luckily, I got it to work a little. Now I'm doing it bit by bit, like taking down an ant-hill ant by ant. Yeap, it's gonna hurt. But I'll get things done eventually, I hope.

Well, I have lots of assignments to finish, just wish me luck.

Oh before I forget, I'll be changing the look of this blog soon. I've had some negative feedbacks about it. And also, my old blog's there for fun now, since there's no point in writing things like that anymore. No fun if there's no reaction, right?

Haha... So just wish me well.

ZZZzzzzz.......

Oww..!!!

2005-07-05T02:42:00.000+08:00

You know what? I went for taekwondo training just now and guess what happened?

I pulled my right hamstring. It was due to the fact that I did forced-recovery-kicks too many times in a row. Usually this wouldn't happen. But today was an exception: I skipped the warm-up and stretchings.

Lesson learnt today:
"I will always do my warm-up and stretching before commencing on training. I am not a kid anymore. I'm getting old and stiff. Do that again and something worse than what happened today is going to happen."

That was a smart lesson wasn't it? Well, not so smart; it was all common sense anyway... I made a blooper today.

Anyway, I finally gotten my new glasses. My God! My Dear and some other dudes say it's cool. Well, things have changed for the better, I guess. Haha!!

Anyway, I went to watch "Initial D" on saturday. The show's not bad, except that Jay Chou had to be in there as the lead. That's a setback to the show. Anthony Wong was manly in the show. He was damn cool and funny, too. Another good actor was Jordan Chan. Acted as the bandana guy in there. Acting was good but too bad, he only came out for a few scenes.

Hah! My life's good. I finished my practical test today feeling great. How so? The test duration was 2 hours, but I finished it in 20 minutes! How so? I've done my preparations.

But yeah, it was a good feeling. Anyway, the test was all about computer graphics. We were supposed to do up at least a spinning cube to pass and 6 spinning cubes to get 'full marks'. I put it in inverted commas because: 1) The 6 cubes part only required a few additional steps to it. 2) I don't really believe the lecturer.

Anyway, I have to go sleep now as my leg is killing me, I haven't had enough sleep these days and I have a lesson at 8 in the morning, which is soon. So I'm going to catch a few 'Z's.

See ya!!

Hey there!

2005-06-28T23:59:00.000+08:00

Hey! I just finished separating my 2 blogs and my old one's now completely dedicated to bring in more fun by doing funny stuff. Hah. Anyway, this will be my full-functional blog from now on, though it's not really appealing to some people.

Yeah, I know. The hokkien song. Some people don't like it. That's fine. It's cool to let me know of your feelings. But for the meantime, just bear with it, or you can press F6 or click on the stop button beside the refresh button to cut the music. And for those who like it, good for you!

Anyway, if you're wondering why I'm doing up this blog like this, it's because I ran out of things to come up with. Yeah.. It was in the middle of the night, and I thought to myself: "What can I possibly think of at this time? I'm running out of ideas..." When suddenly a bike zoomed acrossed the road in front of my flat, with this hokkien song trailing behind. And that, I thought, was IT!

Yeap, it's kinda lame... But I like it. But then I predict that I'll be sick of it soon and I'll probably start thinking of new ideas for my blog again. Like I said, just bear with it meanwhile if you don't like it.

As you would have guessed, remembered or forgotten, today's a special day for me. It's the day when I turn 20! Yeap. Kinda sad though, I couldn't really enjoy the day. I woke up feeling like shit, came in late on a lab session, almost threw up, skipped lunch, etc... It was during the later part of the day that I realised that I was too hungry. That was why I felt like shit and almost threw up. And I can't complete the XML lab assessment!

But anyway, bad things aside, good things happened today. Well, I completed my basic cube shape and basic lighting for my computer graphics module. That alone already guaranteed a pass in the upcoming practical test next week. Ooh, I'm so glad. Had my dose of cafe latte at Splash & Decker's. Well, it was good, considering it tasted rather nice and kept me awake for the rest of the day, else I would've just blacked out back then.

And oh, I just added the backgrond in. Hope it blends in with my music.

Ok, I have to go now, even though school starts at 1pm tomorrow. I'm still feeling rather shitty. Hope I'll get better soon!

Take care everybody!

I'm on again!

2005-06-26T04:15:00.000+08:00

Heh. I'm on again. I decided to rebuild this blog because of various reasons. Yes, that reason. This particular person's been invading my blog and it's tagboard. And yes, I've decided to leave that blog as it is to so-called 'entertain' him and his pathetically immature behaviour. Ah well, let's not talk about him anymore as it spoils my mood. This blog is for writing happy stuff. Yeap, on to what happened today. All I could say was that it was a good day. It's so wonderfully made that even now as I'm sitting here on my couch, it still feels good to be alive. Yes, it is indeed wonderful. Today started off with a wonderful morning, which isn't exactly morning because I woke up at 12. But nevertheless, I have my day starting off well and simply refreshing. But most importantly, I woke up feeling good. Anyway, it wasn't just any saturday in the week. It was a very special day to celebrate my birthday, which is next tuesday. I need the celebration to be earlier because I have school on tuesday, and school kinda kills all mood for celebration. Anyway, I woke up at 12, brushed up and watched some animes. Then I called up my dear and checked if she's on the road. Well, she wasn't. She was supposed to come to my place at 12, but then due to some circumstances, she couldn't. Yeah, anyway, we had lunch at my place, my mom cooked, and everything was great. Then at around evening time, we went out on our date which served as my little 'celebration' for my birthday. Well actually, it wasn't little after all, because there's her. With her, everything seems fun, even the most tasteless food would seem like some sort of a delicacy to me. In this case, I wasn't talking about my mom's cooking. My mom's cooking's great, and she rarely cooks due to her job. I kinda miss her cooking. Anyway, the date started off pretty well, we took a train to Dhoby Ghaut and switched trains to City Hall. Then after that we walked straight to Marina Square's GV to buy tickets. Thereafter, we watched the show. Well, we went to watch "Batman Begins", as ''Mr. & Mrs. Smith" is not available. I still don't understand how the cinemas are still so packed with people wanting to watch that show. I mean, it's 2-3 weeks old. But anyway, the show was great, we had a few laughs and some 'ooh's and 'ahh's. After the show, we had some supper, which consisted of only stingray. Well, we weren't really hungry as lunch was really solid and we didn't feel like having anything filling. The stingray wasn't bad, except that it was too spicy. The $10 I payed was rather worth it, as the portions were rather huge, and that it was Esplanade where we had it. Having had the supper, we decided to go home. I sent her home by bus, and took a cab home. Funny how today's crowd wasn't as big as usual, because the NR bus wasn't really as packed as usual. Hmm... Can't be bothered anyway.. And oh, I just reached home and created this blog. Heh... I'm leaving the old blog for some guy.. Kinda sad for me, as I loved that blog. But hey, it's good to start anew anyway. Hah.. Be sure to look up my blogs for updates! Ahh... I love today.